Daxarian >> #5352
Posted on 2012-03-10 03:10:34 Score: 3 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
People generally agree that depression is languor, tears, self-hatred, and despair.

They're not wrong, it's all of those things. But it's also a brain of spikes- a passing of constant judgement.

'failure. i am a failure. i am guilty. guilty, guilty, guilty.'

Constant rumination on this judgement, and subsequent melancholy. Perhaps depression is a defense mechanism of our brain, shutting us down so we won't think so goddamn much, telling us that if we won't stop bombarding ourselves with thoughts of rusty knives it'll damn well do what it can to make us stop.

Because if somebody thinks long and hard about all of the different ways that airplanes can fail and crash and blow up in the middle of the sky, they'd never fly again. If somebody thinks long and hard about how many holes there are in the safety net of our food industry, the prevalence of potentially-fatal food poisoning, or just even how many goddamn spiders there are in our peanut butter (the average American eats 1.2 pounds of spider eggs a year!), they'd avoid processed food with their lives.

On the same note, when someone thinks long and hard, every day, about all the different ways they can fuck up, all of the things they can be guilty for, how goddamn easy it is to cause pain or suffering or harm or tears to others, how much of a pointless struggle living our lives is to begin with, it's no wonder that they can hardly stand to get out of bed in the morning.

A common piece of advice given to depressives is to face reality, to come out of their negative cloud of negativity, where it rains sorrow, storms self-rejection.

'...pffffahahahaahahhahahahahhaahaaaahahhah'

Depression, by principle, is not an ignorance of reality. It is an awareness- a hyperawareness, perhaps, but a cold, brutal awareness of how life's mechanics work. Think about it too much, and the madness will follow in turn. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, and those that incorporate a good bit of it into their daily lives will end up better than those that fall into the path of truth.

People that have gone mad in the respective sense of the word sometimes look down on those who surround themselves with concepts like hope and compassion and love. Hope is a crutch for the weak. Compassion is soft and squishy to the point where's it's disgusting. Love...

'is it even possible for something like that to exist on this earth?'

In that contrast, depression (normally regarded as unhealthy and rather weak) is strength. Strength to face reality head-on, to take all of life's bullshit and see it for what it is, brace oneself for the inevitable. Depression is the turtle's shell, a scab on a blister, the antidote to the poison of life.

However, life cannot be lived in the darkness. Humans are soft creatures, we bend towards the light. Solace, refuge, a goddamned hug, try as hard as you may and you'll find that the wanting never ceases its call. And sooner or later there will be a point where you will have to kill your depression off before it comes back and does it to you.

But that is what is required to live.

Carry on.

El_Taco >> #5392
Posted on 2012-03-17 07:24:11 Score: 1 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
A very wise piece of advice indeed. May I keep a copy of this, perhaps for future reference or to help another in search for the meaning of depression? I enjoyed this little narrative, and quite frankly, don't agree with it entirely. But the feels are there, man. Good work. Those who are truly wise never regard themselves as such, humility, patience, and willingness to teach and learn from others makes one truly wise.

Daxarian >> #5405
Posted on 2012-03-18 14:22:28 Score: 0 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Oh, glad you liked it!

There's a permalink here daxarian.tumblr.com/post/19037312518

And while I don't exactly agree with it either, I've been in that mindset before and knowing that someone else sort of 'got it', for the lack of a better term.

sankyuu -bows-

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